Love Is Logically Illogical ~ Chap. 4

"Jim, you've got to wait outside.  We don't know what we're getting ourselves into but if he needs emergency surgery then you're only gonna be in the way."

Listening to Bones argue with Jim, Spock swallowed hard as Dr. Ryen helped him onto a bed before starting a scan with a medical tricorder as everything was happening in such a rush and leaving him absolutely terrified.  Hearing the mention of a possible surgery however, finally pushed him over the edge as the tears had been threatening to come since that first sensation began streaming down his face.

“It's all my fault.” he choked out. “I shouldn't have lost control of my emotions like that...She's dying and it's all my fault...”

“Hey, you don't know that.” Dr. Ryen said softly as she wiped the tears from his cheeks. “Let's wait for some definite results before we do something rash. Just try to calm down Mr. Spock.  Everything's going to be alright...”

Taking her hand, his eyes were nearly pleading.  "Just save her please..."

"I'll do the best I can."

"No." He squeezed tighter.  "Promise me..."

The flood of emotions that came through his touch in that instant nearly knocked her off her feet; uncertainty, fear, anxiety...  Surprised at this sudden intensity from a man whom she had never seen such emotion from, she nodded.  

"I promise..."


A few moments later, Dr. McCoy returned, the sweat already beginning on his brow as he turned to Nurse Chapel.

"Nurse, be on standby for an emergency c-section..."

At the sound of surgery, Spock gave an involuntary sob which prompted Dr. Ryen to speak up.

"Dr. McCoy, wait!  Let me try something first."

"We might not have that kind of time!"

"Please...trust me." She firmly insisted.  "If the child is truly in distress, I can have it out in sixty seconds if necessary.  But I don't feel right taking such evasive action without being completely sure."

After a long moment, he nodded.  "Okay.  Go for it.  But if you find something wrong, we're bringing him to surgery. No questions asked."

"Duly noted." she nodded before turning her attention to the Vulcan.

"Alright Spock.  Just try to relax and stay as still as possible."  Closing her eyes, she almost seemed to settle into a trance as her breathing became long and deep.

Dr. McCoy dared to get closer.  "What are you doing?"

"Concentrating." She said quietly as her hands began to ghost over his rounded stomach.  "I'm going to try to get a read on the child and see what it can tell me about it condition."


Moving past Spock's emotions of fear, after a few moments of searching, she managed to make a connection with the fetus growing inside him and attempted to read its thoughts and feelings; but as she searched, what came through surprised her.  There was no feelings of pain, no distress, rather active at the moment but she quickly decided that it was from the effects of Spock's racing heart.

"The baby seems completely fine." She said after a moment.  "Amniotic fluid is still intact and at normal levels, didn't sense any sign of a contraction..."  Breaking out the trance, she turned to McCoy.  "Let's get a medical scan to be sure."

As the device began to scan, all Spock could do was nervously wait and prayed. Seconds seemed like days as the medical scanner kept searching for any sign from the life inside him. By all that was holy, he didn't want to lose this baby. That sudden realization surprised him. Just hours before, he would have been willing to do almost anything to hand it off to someone else. Now, he couldn't imagine letting it go, especially not like this...

And then...a pulsing from the scanner.

“What's that sound?” he asked as the group quieted down to listen.

And then he finally realized what it was.

A heartbeat.  There was a heartbeat.

“It's alive...” he breathed through the sudden rush of new tears at Dr. Ryen's smiling face.

“See...” she beamed as placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I told you everything was going to be okay.”

He nodded as he let out a breath of relief. The child was still alive. He hadn't failed.



“But that bubbling… Something must be going on.”

"Wait." She stopped suddenly.  "You said 'bubbling'...  Can you describe what you've been feeling Mr. Spock?"

He started to speak but then had to stop for a moment.  How would he even describe such a thing?  He tried to think back to that moment with the captain when it first happened.

"Well it was a...  well, not exactly... It's hard to explain...  Sort of a tapping....twitching...almost like fluttering."

And then the realization of what he was describing hit her. And to his surprise, she started to chuckle.

“Dr. Ryen, I fail to see what is so funny about mine and my child's current condition...”  Spock said shortly, wondering if Ms. Ryen had possibly gone completely mad.

“I'm so sorry." She apologized, still chuckling to herself.  "I'm just such an idiot... I forgot you're in your 20th week of pregnancy. There's nothing wrong Mr. Spock. It's moving...”


"Moving?" Gently, he brought his brought his hand to rest on the small bulge of his stomach as the being inside him moved again, still too small to be felt from the outside but now unmistakable.  The idea was still so foreign that something was there inside him, yet there it was; growing, changing, and thriving. And for the first time since he had found out about this being growing inside him, maybe this person wouldn't be as much of the burden that he had initially thought it to be.

"Dr. McCoy, would you mind giving the two of us a moment alone please? I think I can handle things from here." Dr. Ryen said quietly.

Realizing what she was planning, he nodded. "I can go give Jim an update.  Just call me if you need me.  Maybe you can get through that thick Vulcan skull better than I could..." he muttered before closing the door behind him.


Finally alone, she turned to the Vulcan lying on the exam table.  "Mr. Spock, what happened back there?"

"I beg your pardon? I believe my reaction was..."

"That's not what I meant." She interrupted.  "When you took my hand...  I've never felt that kind of fear out of you before."

He tried to come back with a retort but he knew she was right.  For the first time in a long time, he had to admit to himself that he had been well and truly afraid.

"You must think I'm crazy..." he sighed.

"Not at all.  In fact, I'm rather relieved."

Confused, his eyes followed her across the room as she came to sit down next to him.


"Mr. Spock," she continued. "I've treated several expectant parents over my career, both male and female.  But I've never treated anyone quite like you.  You're the only one I've ever come across who has treated their pregnancy as no more than a host situation.   You come in just long enough for me to take a medical scan and then you're gone before I can go over any results with you.  These past few months, you've been so indifferent towards this baby that I was beginning to question your decision of keeping the child at all. But now..."

She started to say something else but thought better of it, opting instead to tell him the honest truth.  Letting out a long breath, she crossed her arms as she stared at him.

"You seem so determined to push everyone away, trying to stay wrapped in your own world. But now you've come across someone that you can't push away this time.  This isn't a parasite Mr. Spock.  It's a child...  Your child.  And I think this experience proves that maybe you can't face this logically."

"I don't understand."

She covered his hand with hers.  "What is your heart telling you to do?"


Things had seemed so simple up until this point.  He had planned a logical course of action as to the child and how he'd handle the pregnancy.  He had never considered the possibility that he may actually become attached to the child.  There was too much to lose with choosing to keep it; his career on-board the Enterprise as far as he could tell would be over, something he'd worked for several years for.  But as the constant pulse of the fetus' heartbeat continued in the background, he knew that she was right.  He was attached by the heartstrings and there was no chance of those breaking now.

"I-I don't think I could let her go..." he said finally.

"No one would make you." she smiled softly.

"But the Enterprise..." he started.  "They'd never let me..."

"I'll speak to the captain and Dr. McCoy about it.   According to everything I've seen so far, you and baby are both in good health; I don't see why you couldn't continue with your duties until delivery if that's what you really want."

"Thank you Dr. Ryen.  I don't know what to say..."

"How about just calling me Makeda?" She smiled.  "I think we've known each other long enough that you wouldn't need to be so formal with me."

"Of course...Makeda."


Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, the young doctor felt her heart involuntarily skip a beat.  This Spock was so different from the cold Vulcan that she'd met only three months earlier.  And as a rush of new feelings came through the connection; affection, tenderness, warmth, she found herself suddenly getting lost in the dark eyes that seemed to be looking at her in a whole new light.

"Yes well..." she said quickly, suddenly embarrassed as she took her hands away.  "You're due for your next follow up.  If you don't mind, I'd like go ahead and take a closer look at the medical scan while you're here just to make sure that everything's progressing normally.  From what I could tell earlier, the child seems fine.  But I can only read thoughts and feelings, not length and weight.  I'm assuming you'd be willing to stay around a little longer this time?"

"Fair enough." He nodded. Finally calming down, he was starting to register more of the various things going on around him and the instruments giving constant readings of the child inside him.

"The heart rate is rather fast, isn't it?" He noted.

"I think part of that is left over from your earlier rise in nerves.  But you don't need to worry, it's perfectly in a normal range.  Hang on a second, I can give you a closer look."


Pressing a few buttons on the control panel, there was a small burst of energy as a 4D scan of the fetus inside him faded into view.  Mystified at the projection in front of him, he reached out a tentative hand only for the image to crackle at his touch.

"Life-like isn't it?" She smiled.  "The technology's still in its testing phases but I've been very pleased with the results so far.  With this instrument, I can get a complete 360 view of the fetus which can let me catch any irregularities fairly early and give the expectant parent or parents the opportunity to get a good look at their child before they're even born."

"It's incredible." he agreed, mystified at the image in front of him.  Still not much bigger than the length of his hand, it was amazing to see how much it had changed from the last time.  No longer the 'tadpole' he remembered from twelve weeks ago; what replaced it was now a tiny human with long fingers and toes, facial features that were already beginning to reflect Elizabet, and at the ears...a tiny point.

"It still too early to tell if the baby will keep those." She grinned as she noticed his gaze.  "We'll know more as we get closer to delivery.  But for now, baby is reading sixty-two percent Human, thirty-eight percent Vulcan.  Current weight is eleven ounces and is a little over six inches long which is right where we want it to be.  Unfortunately, this little one is keeping its legs crossed so we can't tell if you're correct about being a girl or not.  But then again, there's very few surprises in life isn't there Mr. Spock?"

"No, I suppose not." he said, his eyes fixated on the tiny being as it moved and stretched, even letting out a small chuckle as it sucked on its tiny fist.

“Still hard to believe there's someone actually in there...” he breathed.

"I know. It's amazing, isn't it..." she said softly back.

Even though there was still the slightest bit of hesitance in Spock's mind about this whole thing, he couldn't deny the emotions that were now raging like a supernova through his heart and mind.  Almost as quickly as it began, the exam was over and as Makeda shut down the various instruments, he was almost sad to see the projection of his child disappear from view.

"The morning sickness should be pretty much over by this point," she continued as he helped him to his feet. "So your appetite should be making its way back soon but I'd rather you do small meals for now just in case.  Otherwise, I'm giving you both a clean bill of health.  And feel free to come see me if you have any questions.  You don't have to face this alone Mr. Spock."

"Just 'Spock' please." He replied, the faintest hint of a smile on his face. "You've been kind enough to offer me that privilege. I don't see why I could not extend the same."

"Thank you Spock." she smiled at the sudden informality.

As he walked to the door, he stopped to look back at the young woman.  "Dr. Ry...I mean, Makeda.  Would you permit me to speak with you again before our next exam?"

"Of course.  Like I said, my door's always open if you have any concerns."

"No... I mean in a more...'informal' setting..."

"Oh..." she said, suddenly realizing what he meant.  Her cheeks flushed slightly. "I don't see any reason why not." she smiled.

Spock almost seemed surprised at her response, as if he hadn't entirely expected her to say yes to his request.  "Yes...well...until next time...Makeda."  And with a brief nod, he was gone.

Gazing back at the door, he smiled to himself as he subconsciously brought his hand to rest on his stomach. "What else are you planning on getting me into?" he asked it as he slowly headed back to his quarters, the young doctor's smiling face not far from his thoughts.